Inga M. Beck

The “I’ve been friendzoned” complaint

I don’t know how many internet memes there are about friend-zoning… probably millions. Most of them seem to focus at guys who supposedly suffer from this social-ego-kill/ heartbreaking phenomena by the hands of girls. But there are a few out there too about the reverse, the “one of the guys”-girl.

What I fail to understand is this: why is this a bad thing?

Sure it can hurt a lot to find that someone you are really fond of doesn’t feel the same. But who doesn’t like having friends?As for me, I love being one of the guys. Being one of the guys means I’ve been accepted as an equal in spite of the fact that I’ve got a pair of breasts and no penis. Women have fought for centuries to have the chance of such an acceptance. But hey, if you don’t like being in the “friend-zone”, LEAVE. No one is forcing you to be friends. I don’t know how many of the friendships I’ve enjoyed in my life started with someone wanting more. Some lasted, some didn’t.

Also using the term “I’ve been friend-zoned” implies that you were at first considered something other than a friend. In most cases I will assume that the friendship is actually a step upwards from being an acquaintance or just plain stranger. In the more rare cases it is a step down from a relationship. So in most cases you are actually being promoted… and still you are complaining.

But what annoys me the most is this: people who complain about how they think they are being friend-zoned and how the person they want doesn’t seem to realize how they feel aaand so on. That brings me back to my first pet peeve:

Don’t go bitching about someone not taking a hint or realizing how you feel. Ask. Tell. Be clear.

I’ve been on every end of this multifaceted spectrum, I’ve been an observer, promoter, protester, participant and recipient. I’ve even been judged by complete, bitter strangers who in a state of intoxication have dropped insults such as “dude, she’ll never sleep with you” to a friend of mine who was simply buying me a drink. That stranger is not only insulting my friend by making an assumption based on looks alone, but also implying that I, being a woman, am obviously being deceitful and willingly obscure about my intentions with said friend, just to get a free drink.

So people, please, don’t complain about having friends you’re attracted to, don’t assume someone is doing something or feeling something and then not make an effort to find out. And last but not least, don’t make your own, pent up rage and bitterness lead you to make something like this, and think that it’s OK:

this is NOT OK, it’s not funny, not under any circumstance. It relates directly to huge issue I want to write about too, which is victim blaming… but I can only cover a limited amount of ranting in one day.